The more time that passes since my final alcoholic drink, the more comfortable people feel about asking me questions around sobriety. I think given that I am almost 9 months into my journey, people now feel that I have enough experience to offer some insights that might help them. I know, of course, that in the grand scheme of things 9 months is no time at all, and my views and perceptions will continue to evolve. But there’s definitely value in sharing what I’ve learned in the early stages of sobriety.
Social events have probably been one of the trickiest aspects of staying sober. In those early days, I had no idea how I was going to navigate parties, dinners, or nights out without alcohol. It felt like everyone around me was drinking, and I’d be the odd one out. But as time went on, I picked up a few strategies that helped me not only survive these events but actually enjoy them—without feeling like I was missing out. Here are three tips that have worked for me:
1. Don’t Be Afraid Of Leaving
The first big social event I attended after giving up alcohol was one of my close friend’s 30th birthdays. By that point, I’d given myself four months of avoiding situations where I’d normally be drinking, and during that time, I made sure I had a strategy for handling parties.
One thing I read during that time, and it really stuck with me, was that past a certain point in the night, nobody really remembers individuals leaving. That certainly rang true for me, as it was often the case that after a few hours drinking I’d struggle to remember any specific details let alone someone saying goodbye. So, I decided to put this theory to the test at my friend’s birthday.
I arrived at the basement bar around 6pm, feeling prepared but slightly nervous. I ordered an alcohol-free beer, sat down with my friends, and caught up with everyone. The evening started off great—lots of laughter, good conversation, and a comfortable atmosphere. But as the night wore on, the crowd grew, the music got louder, and the drinks kept flowing. By 9pm, I could feel the shift in energy. More people arrived, and the conversations became harder to follow. I knew that it was getting to the time for me to implement my strategy. I casually mentioned to a couple of friends that I was heading off, then sought out my friend whose birthday it was. After navigating through the crowd, I thanked him for the night, said happy birthday again, and made my way out.
There’s a lot of unnecessary pressure to stay until the end of a party or night out, but in reality, most people are too focused on their own fun to notice whether you’re still there. If you feel like it’s time to go, trust that instinct. The night will continue without you, and you’ll wake up the next day feeling glad that you prioritised your well-being over staying until the bitter end. Plus, you’ll enjoy the event far more knowing you’ve got an easy out when you need it.
2. Have A Drink In Hand
One of the best things about being sober is no longer having to worry about how expensive alcohol is these days. Granted, that does mean alternative options are also going up in price, but the good news is you’ll be consuming far fewer of them.
Having a drink in hand has made a massive difference for me at social events. It’s one of the simplest ways to blend in and feel comfortable without alcohol. Whether it’s my current favourite—orange juice and lemonade—or one of the many great alcohol-free beers available now, just holding something in your hand removes that awkwardness of standing around empty-handed while everyone else is sipping away.
I’ve found that most people don’t even notice what you’re drinking once you’ve got a glass. It stops those unnecessary questions like, “Why aren’t you drinking?” before they even start. Plus, with the rise in popularity of alcohol-free alternatives, you can still enjoy the ritual of ordering a drink and being part of the group, without having to explain yourself.
One trick I’ve found particularly helpful is buying the first round. That way, I’m under no pressure to rush through my drink, and I still feel included with my friends. It’s a small but effective way to stay in control while keeping the social experience enjoyable.
3. Remember Why You’re There
For a long time, I believed that alcohol was the key reason I enjoyed most social events. It wasn’t until I stopped drinking that I realised how ridiculous that idea really was. The truth is, it wasn’t the alcohol making the night memorable—it was the people, the conversations, and the experience itself.
When I started attending events sober, I noticed how much more present I could be without being intoxicated. I was sharper, more engaged, and actually able to remember everything the next day. The laughter and connection with friends felt more genuine, and I never said anything I didn’t mean. It turns out that the real reason I enjoyed these events was the company I kept, not how much I was drinking.
Now, when I go to a party or gathering, I remind myself of the real reasons I’m there: to see my friends, celebrate an occasion, or simply to enjoy myself. Shifting my focus away from drinking has completely changed my perspective on socialising. I no longer feel the anxiety of worrying about what consequences a big night might bring. Instead, I stay fully present and make sure I’m having a genuine and enjoyable experience.
Final Thoughts
I won’t pretend that navigating social events without alcohol has always been smooth sailing—it takes time to adjust. But with a bit of planning and a shift in mindset, it’s absolutely possible to have a great time sober. Whether you’re early in your journey or just curious about trying a night out without drinking, I encourage you to give these tips a try.
If you’ve found any strategies that work for you, I’d love to hear them. Share your thoughts in the comments below, or feel free to reach out to me at bigcitysober@gmail.com.